November 25, 2014
Humor me please.
I am entitled to my own happiness. I know I can do all things that I want to do. I can’t. These stupid thoughts are clouding my mind and it doesn’t make any sense. What good is it to become an accomplished person when you can accomplish nothing. Perhaps, I’m just hungry for fame. Or money even. What I do now have nothing to do in my future endeavors. How can I say so? Because I’m lame. I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t know what this is going to be. For old times' sake I can’t figure out who I am. No. This is not about me. This is just some typical bullshit kind of thing that happens to my brain when it doesn’t have anything to think about. Can I stop it? No. Unless I watched some youtube videos or read some novels. But I don’t want to read and I’m still at work so it is not legit to watch youtube videos. But I do that. I watch youtube videos at work. Shame on me. No. Shame on youtube for being there. As if. Haha. This is crap. I stopped my brain. I’m done.
I am entitled to my own happiness. I know I can do all things that I want to do. I can’t. These stupid thoughts are clouding my mind and it doesn’t make any sense. What good is it to become an accomplished person when you can accomplish nothing. Perhaps, I’m just hungry for fame. Or money even. What I do now have nothing to do in my future endeavors. How can I say so? Because I’m lame. I don’t know what’s going on and I don’t know what this is going to be. For old times' sake I can’t figure out who I am. No. This is not about me. This is just some typical bullshit kind of thing that happens to my brain when it doesn’t have anything to think about. Can I stop it? No. Unless I watched some youtube videos or read some novels. But I don’t want to read and I’m still at work so it is not legit to watch youtube videos. But I do that. I watch youtube videos at work. Shame on me. No. Shame on youtube for being there. As if. Haha. This is crap. I stopped my brain. I’m done.
No I’m not done yet. My long-bony fingers
keep on typing the words puking from my brain. I’m drinking tea. Rose fruity
Milk tea. It’s good. Really. It’s just that I poured excessive amount of water
that it doesn’t taste milky anymore but it taste fruity still. It’s some Taiwanese
tea. I like it. I’ll buy some from the grocery store next time. If they have
it.
So. I’m hearing voices now. But of course
they are not voices from my head. I’m not a lunatic. I’m at the office didn’t I
tell you that already. But well, that can happen. When I’m super bored. But not
like this bored because this boredom makes me write things like this. Yeah.
There are types of boredom. Boredom which makes you watch movies. Boredom which
makes you write stuff. Boredom which makes you read. Boredom which makes you
dance; sing; drink; kiss someone; make fun of someone; kill someone? No. Killing
is not something that bored people do. Killing is something that those not on
their right minds do. Left minds? Hah. I told you to humor me. It’s not funny
at all.
My palms are sticky already. It’s
sweating. Excessive sweating. I have a small electric fan on my left. It’s on.
It’s working. It’s not mine. I borrowed it from the neighboring table. I borrow
it everyday. But just because I used it more than the owner use it doesn’t make
it mine. I know that. I just want to clarify it to you. Not that I want it to
be mine but yes, maybe I do. I have hopes that the owner will give it to me. It’s
nearing Christmas anyway. So, where am I. My conversation with my mind stopped.
Someone talked to me that’s why. I ordered an egg sandwich. I’m hungry. Must be
the tea. No. I always get hungry.
My brain is not puking words anymore. I’m
starting to have conversation with the people around me. Is it better than to
write you, monologue? So now I am calling
you a monologue. Well it’s good right.
Because when something has been given a name it means that that something is
important to the person who gave its name. Now you are a part of my life. You
are a noun now. Be thankful.
Carefully. Carefully what? I’m thinking
carefully on how I would end your life, monologue. I know I shouldn’t do that
because I gave you a name but what can I do? I have to end you because I have
to do some other things. Things like what? Like watching youtube videos? No.
Things like doing my work. I’m at the office, duh. Weren’t you paying attention
when I told you that. But what are you gonna do? I don’t know. Stare. Stare at
the people passing by. Stare at the bosses. Stare at my computer monitor. Yeah.
Writing you is better. It makes me look like I’m doing something (work) when I’m
not really doing something (work). It’s a good ploy isn’t it? I’m a genius. I
know that. I know that when I started doing things like this. Because I’m a
freak. No. I’m weird. No. I’m bored. Yep. That’s it. I’m bored. I’m a genius
because I’m bored. Well maybe that’s the conclusion. Maybe I should get bored
always so I will become a better genius? Or not. Maybe I should just read so I’ll
become a genius? That’s not it either. Just work already.
NO!
3:17pm